When it is time to let go of a friendship for good.

Bijal A Shah
6 min readMar 9, 2018
Death of a friendship

Sometimes friendships run their course. We all want them to last forever and be perfect! However we are not perfect and similarly nor are our friends. They will disappoint. We will disappoint them. That is the nature of human relationships and when it is time to move on, it’s about embracing the new and letting go of the old. Perhaps we should celebrate our old friendships for what they were, for the meaning and joy that they gave us and smile in their memory.

Recently a couple of my close friendships seem to have died a sudden death. One should have ended a long time ago however the curse of having friends from our nappy-wearing days obliges us to make the friendship work! This history that we shared makes us feel that they know us better than anyone else yet they may have missed important developmental milestones during our transition to adulthood that make us a completely different person.

This was the issue I had with this friend, who refused to acknowledge that after a rocky decade in my 20s, my life had changed for the better — my marriage, the birth of my beautiful daughter and the purchase of our gorgeous home in Hampstead. Everything was going well for me yet I sensed she was not happy for me. Whether it was envy, I could not tell. However I could sense a shift in her attitude towards me — rejecting plans to meet up, birthday invitations and general radio silence.

I considered confronting her to work out what was really going on. She definitely was not the confrontational type ( and believe me I have confronted friends in the past when it has bothered me and now we are closer than before.) It came down to whether I wanted to save the friendship (was it important enough for me). On reflection I was happy for the friendship to naturally run its course. In fact it should have ended a long time ago yet for whatever reason we try to make it work/last.

We no longer had anything in common. We rarely wanted to make the effort for each other. We just didn’t have those feelings of affection or care towards each other anymore. It was time for the friendship to end; and it was time for me to be true to myself.

My other friendship died a death for a different reason: the realisation on my part that I had a problem with my friend’s…

Bijal A Shah

Bibliotherapist, author, poet & founder of Book Therapy - therapy using the power of literature: https://www.booktherapy.io/ and www.bit.ly/bibliotherapycourse